It is the last ‘rehearsal’ before the assessment. I should feel confident, because I know much more about my body and my movement. However, I can’t find my flow…
This Monday was absolutely different from others. I found so many thing that could distract me! For example – my bobby pins inside my hair. This is only one example, but after I felt that they bother me, I started to think how much little (or big) things influence my movements… Needless to say that I felt exactly the same during the score as well. Here, I was wondering that you always lose a little bit of yourself, when you try to find connection between others and the self-expression is almost impossible if you have to follow somebody. And it is not because I thought: I’m too good to follow my partner. I found that then I am starting to think too much and that results as a stopping device for my movement ‘freedom’ and creativity.
I believe that these thoughts responded to me in our trio score tried to improve and not over think about our habitual movements. If I thought that my movement vocabulary is very poor, probably I wouldn’t make too much contact with the audience or my score members and that could lead us to the gap of awareness between each others. Also, if I did not over think my every single step, I would create more unpredictable decisions and enrich not only the score but my own movement experience… However, it is still a shame that I can evaluate my work in class only by finding what I have done wrong and how could I improve myself. Hopefully, I’m going to learn from my mistakes and awake my awareness next time. And of course, I don’t know how many ‘next times’ I will need to succeed and feel confident with what I’m doing… But it is worth to wait for that flow…